(in)courage

So I've been reading some friends' blogs this evening and it got me thinking about how much I miss talking to friends about faith. I was the happiest in my life when I was going to church regularly, surrounding myself with good friends who shared my moral values and we talked daily about how God was working in our lives. I LOVED it. Since graduating college, I haven't really had that. I was reading some great blog posts today and it gave me that excitement or that need for change in my heart tonight. I realized that I need to start changing my habits in many ways.
I love this quote: If you want friends you have to spend time with people you don’t know, in order to get to know them so that they can be your friends. They also wrote about how sometimes all it takes to make time for friends is to say Yes. I never say yes to something I really don’t want to do but, I won’t say “no” just because it’s uncomfortable for me. Especially if I’m in a season of needing to make friends. Even though I’m an introvert, I still love people, I just hate the small talk it can sometimes take that leads to the big talk that leads to real friendship.

You can read more by clicking here:

I really want to work on making myself a better person... and I think the root of all that begins with my relationship with God. I feel if I work on that.... all the other areas in my life will improve too. Now I need to find a good daily devotional study to get me started. That will be my goal this week since I left my bible at home. I also read somewhere that it's good to schedule a time in the day that I plan to devote my time to God and pick a spot in my house to spend that time. I need to keep all my "tools" there, including my bible, journal, pen/pencil and of course my devotional plan. I'm thinking a good place would be in my office if I had a big comfy chair in there... but for now I'll plan on my living room! I'm also going to start going back to church and making that a priority b/c when I do go... I not only will be uplifted and challenged for the week, but also give me a chance go worship, meet new people and get involved.

God, help me stick to this plan and help me grow as a believer and help me do thy will each day. I pray that you give me the opportunity to develop new friendships with fellow believers and encourage them and others as well. I thank you for all you have blessed me with in life and continue to show me and teach me never to take things for granted. I pray that you protect my friends and family from harm and show them they are loved by you daily. I pray for my students and their families and that they are provided with warm beds, food in their bellies and surrounded with love daily as well. Help me to do thy will and show your love in all things that I do. Amen.

MawMaw's Song

This time of year always makes me miss my Grandma Gleadall. She went up to the Lord in October of 2001 after what seemed like the longest month of my life battling a cancer that was in her blood. When she was first diagnosed... they gave her a few months to live... but she ended up fighting for a good few years afterwards. I am so thankful she did b/c I have so many wonderful memories with Grandma. I still cry when I think about her because I miss her so much. I'll never forget standing with my brother and sisters at her funeral and EVERYONE kept coming up to hug us and telling us how much she loved us and was proud of us. If it would have been possible... I could have cried ever tear out of my body that day. It was very bittersweet, because I remember praying for Grandma to continue fighting when she first when to the hospital that September... but then towards the end... when she was on every machine possible... and seeing her for the very last time- I began to pray for God to relieve her of her pain and let her rest. I cried myself to sleep every night and prayed so much for her. Then when daddy came home and told my sisters and I that they took her off life support and she passed away- I was just emotionless. I couldn't believe that my sweet grandma was gone. I remember going to my room and praying and thanking God for letting her go peacefully. But I was still in shock. I never shed a tear until the day of the funeral when I saw her lifeless body. She looked so different and I cried the whole day.
Then out of the blue... my best friend that I hadn't seen in forever since I moved to Illinois shows up and gives me a big hug. I squeezed her so tight and was so glad she was there. To have my best friend and my family meant everything to me that day.

I am starting to cry writing this... <3 So here are a few pics of my sweet Grandma Joy... who rang true to her name.... I hope to be blessed with a daughter one day so I can name her after Grandma.... <3

Looking at family photos with Grandma (left) and Mamaw (right)

Playing games with Grandma... she used to make us laugh when we played "Sorry" b/c she was terrible and always lost! hehe

I remember helping Grandma make this!

We loved having tea parties with Grandma and making Grandpa be our "butler" heheh

One of my favorite songs that remind me of her is called "Mawmaw's Song" by Bart Millard...

Seven years old upon my knees
On the third row pew, trying to see
My grandmamma sing In the Sweet By and By
It wasn't the sweetest soundin' thing
But there's somethin' about when grandmamma sang
That moved your feet, stirred something up inside

To see her grin from ear to ear
One thing for sure was very clear
This wasn't just a song
It was her life

(Chorus:)
In the sweet by and by
We shall meet on that beautiful shore
In the sweet by and by
We shall meet on that beautiful shore

Now times have changed to say the least
My grandmamma's voice, a memory
Just like the old song said, she's on that shore
And she's looking down on me
I hope she's proud of what she sees
Cause thanks to her I'm walkin' with the Lord

Oh to hear her once again
Wrap herself around that hymn
Lord, If I could just go back once more

(Chorus)

There's a land that is fairer than day
By faith we can see it afar
For the Father waits over the way
To prepare us a dwelling place there

Oh I can hear her singing along

(Chorus)

Taking a u-turn...

So I have realized that I have been putting my health and my faith on the back-burner since I started teaching. I've become so obsessed with becoming a great teacher for my students, that I'm letting myself slip through the cracks. So I'm trying to figure out where to draw the line.

So instead of worrying about it... I'm going to start praying and writing more. I have pushed God to the side too many times and I need to let him take control... one song that I heard on the radio that really hit home was the new song by Mikeschair called "Someone Worth Dying For"... I downloaded it tonight on itunes and was listening to it as I was reading the lyrics and started tearing up because it is so beautifully written. My favorite is the chorus b/c it can hit home to alot of us at times. I'm sure we have all felt this way....


Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I
Am someone worth dying for 

After hearing a beautiful song like that... I don't know how you can't feel uplifted and comforted in the fact that God hears us and works through US to help one another.  Listen for yourself... I seriously LOVE this song!!! =) I hope this lifts you up today like it did for me tonight! <3 Jess


You might be the wife,
Waiting up at night
You might be the man,
Struggling to provide
Feeling like it's hopeless

Maybe you're the son,
Who chose a broken road
Maybe you're the girl,
Thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God can you hear me?
Oh God are you listening?

(Chorus)
Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I
Am someone worth dying for

I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you're the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep asking, what everybody's asking

Chorus

You're worth it, you can't earn it
Yeah the Cross has proven
That you're sacred and blameless
Your life has purpose

You are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see you're something beautiful
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see
That you're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you
Are someone worth dying for

You're someone worth dying for
You're someone worth dying for

Motivators

So I just remembered how i got myself to stay on plan when I was so successful on WW the first time around.... I would set a weight loss goal and a reward for myself when I got there. So I'm going to do that now to help me stick to my goals this holiday season!
These are things I enjoy doing... and shopping for- that I normally can't fit into my budget. But I think I deserve to treat myself to these things if I make it to each goal! And hopefully eating less will help my budget so I won't need to buy as much food!
I'm not going to give myself a time limit this year b/c I won't want to get discouraged if I don't lose my weight by a certain time. B/c I remember how great I felt after losing 20 lbs! <3

• download new music for IPOD
• go to movies with a friend
• get a pedicure
• get a new work-out outfit
• get a manicure & pedicure
• get new running shoes
• get hair done
• get myself a necklace/bracelet to remind me what I have accomplished.

Motivation for holidays around the corner...

So I was just thinking of different things that can keep me motivated to continue my weight loss, especially with the holiday season just around the corner. I love my momma's cookin... and she always have some freshly baked sweets around the house.... so I know it will be hard these next few months.

My motivation:
1. Getting rid of the back pain
2. More energy
3. Fit into my jeans again!
4. Clothes will fit better
5. Feel better about myself
6. Shopping for new clothes when my current clothes get too big! =)
7. Wearing cuter clothes
8. Improve my self-confidence

And I have to remember when I give into those bad cravings it makes me feel fat/bloated, disappointed in myself, I didn't soothe my appetite and will only make me want MORE. So just say no! lol

I need to read this when I'm home for Thanksgiving and Christmas b/c that's my hardest time staying on plan!

The first time I was on weight watchers I was 16. I lost 25 lbs and felt AMAZING! So I know i can do this!

Until next time... :)

Clean house =)

So the house is finally clean and I'm waiting on my last load of laundry to finish before I go to bed. So I'm on my laptop, listening to Micheal Buble. And man, his voice is so soothing. I can't listen to him all the time, b/c I don't want to get sick of his songs like every other CD I listen to. =)

So tonight is one of my rare occasions where I spent the day cleaning/de-stressing a little... so it's the perfect time to listen to him!

I also forgot add to my entry this afternoon... I started weight watchers again yesterday b/c they have a free trial going online for 1 week- so I figure--- if I stick with it for the free week, then I'll continue paying for it afterwards... b/c the last few times I would do it for a day and then wake up and forget about it. haha... So I've been on plan and have lost 2 lbs! Hooray! It's always the first week where I lost the most b/c I'm very consciouses about what I eat. Plus, I haven't been to the store... so there is not a whole lot to choose from other than tuna, ramen noodles, mac & cheese, etc. Basically everything a college student lives on. (I'm on the I'm too poor to afford real food) diet. lol

Once I get my budget to where I want it to be... (hoping by February I'll have 3 of my CC paid off... which will put some money back into my pocket! ) I can spend a little more on the good stuff.

So I just have to be careful of my portions, eat the good stuff, not so much the bad and I'll be good. (Sounds so easy... not as easy to do on my stressful days.)
Well.... I'm purty sleepy and my laundry needs put away! =)

G'night friends! <3

Fall is near! =)

So I just realized how busy my life has been lately. I go into work around 7:30 and get home around 7 at night. (I'm trying to keep my classroom organized/clean so when my sis goes into labor, my sub will be able to find everything easily!) So then I come home, do a little more work, eat a quick meal and go to bed. That has literally been my life that past month. Then Friday nights I would drive home to my parent's and hang out there all weekend. And they are so busy getting ready for baby Sonorah's arrival... painting her nursery/shopping for baby stuff they need/etc. I was up running errands with them! (It was a blast! I love doing fun stuff like that with my family!) Then we saw the movie "Contagent?" about the deadly virus. It was good.... a little long at parts, but I liked it. I probably won't watch it ever again- but it was one that I'm glad I went to see!

So that leads me to this weekend. I was working in my classroom after the kids left yesterday and at 5pm, I realized I STILL have a lot to do. So I called home and let them know I would be staying here to "grade" the stack of papers that have been piling up in my basket... so I left school just before 7 last night. I hit the hay around 11 and woke up around 10:30 today and feel amazing! So my poor house has been collecting dust and I desperately need do clean/do laundry. So I've got my living room all finished, the guest room sheets are getting a wash and some fall candles are lit! Now I'm working on my bedroom and kitchen! (The bonus of having a small house... less time spent cleaning! hehe)

I also put out some fall decorations since the first day of autumn is this Friday! I always have to get a head start b/c I love to enjoy the seasonal decorations! =) And Andrea- I'm thinking of you today as I'm doing all of this and watching the Lifetime channel! hehehe Also- I'm getting you bday package ready today so I can sent it out on Monday! So I hope you get it this week! <3

Although.... watching these movies are making me wish I had a man to groan as I change it to this channel! haha =) Ohhhh one day---- it's all in God's timing.

I am loving the fact that I have nothing planned this weekend. It's so wonderful to get some things done that will make me feel less stressed this week... especially with P-T conferences coming up--- BLAH! =( I would enjoy this so much more if the majority of my parents showed up- but I do all this work to prepare for them, and half of them are no-shows. The joys of working in a Title 1 school I guess! =(

Anyways- I just felt like updating ya'll a lil on my crazy-busy life as of now! Things will start to calm down once baby Sonorah is here and I'm not on the edge of my seat staring at my cell waiting for the call! I'm so scared that Erica will go into labor when I'm at school and I'll have to drop everything, find a sub/split my class immediately and go home, pack really fast and get to the hospital so I can be with my family for the exciting arrival! (Granted- once Erica starts pushing, we will be in the waiting room, but I want to be with my family b/c I will not be able to concentrate on anything else otherwise!)

Until next time! <3 Jess

Some days your the dog, some days you're the hydrant...

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

This song from GLEE was on my mind today....
I feel like with good intentions, some things I may do or say just get twisted around to make me look bad and it's so frustrating. As cheesy as that song is.... those particular lyrics stood out to me b/c I feel like I'm always doing something wrong.

Whether it be not speaking up for myself or vice versa. I'm just tired of always feeling down about myself.

In other news... when  I found out that I have degenerative disc disease, the doc said if I were to lose some weight, that would put less strain on my back and in return, cause less backpain- so of course I'm taking that serious and went to the gym after work today. I just did 25 minutes on the eliptical (2 miles) and feel pretty good. I need to meet with a trainer and get some tips on how to work out, without straining my back anymore. So I'll call them this week to do that.

Also, after literally hitting rock bottom last week {emotionally}, I talked to my mom about my finances. She helped me create a budget for myself so that I can be debt free by the end of next year. (YIPPEE!) So yesterday I went and did some grocery shopping and was so proud of myself for not overspending. My usual self would have said "ohhhh I need that... and that... and that"... but yesterday and kept thinking "will this fit into my budget? can it wait? etc..." It is so hard... especially when I can barely fit into any of my cute clothes anymore and it's so tempting to go out and shop at Old Navy. But NO. I am not giving in anymore- I've seen where that gets me and it made me more miserable than anything. So I just need to keep that mindset!


The weather has been beautiful the past few days... mid 80s, low humidity, nice breeze--- it literally is starting to feel like fall in mid-August! That has definitely been helping my mood though. Fall & Spring are my favorite times of year.... I love the smell it brings, the cool crisp air, and all the changes in nature. It's so refreshing to me and bring back so many great memories from my childhood! I wish I had my family close by to spend more time with this school year... but with my new budget... it's going to be hard now. You better believe I'll be spending plenty of time there when my lil neice-y poo is born! I cannot wait!!!!


Erica is due Sept. 30th.... and her and Dave have decided to name their sweet girl "Sonorah Marie"...  I think it's a beautiful name! I can't wait to spoil that baby rotten with love! =)


Well, I'm praying that I can keep up with my self-discipline in finances and my health. I know i can do it, if I just keep up with it. I really miss my close friends from Ohio....  ya'll keep me sane and wish I could see you more.


Well, off to eat a baked potato for dinner... (and maybe some ice cream...)


Lata!

Flaxman Wedding

So this weekend I went up to Illinois for one of my BFF's weddings! It was so much fun! My back was still in a lot pain, but it didn't stop me from dancing the night away! I loved seeing Lis and she was so happy! Here is a pic of me and the beautiful bride! I love this picture! =) 

I went to the doc again yesterday b/c my back was still hurting. They gave me a steroid shot, pain relievers, steroid pack and muscle relaxers. I'm already feeling so much better now! 

I can't believe I can start working in my classroom next Thursday! This summer FLEW by! I've been keeping busy getting things ready for the school year this week. (Which I need to be doing now!) 

Instead I'm writing in my personal blog, watching iCarly and giggling like I should be my own student in kindergarten! haha! I cant help it... I love this show! 

I will leave you with a few more pics from the wedding =) 

The Happy Newlyweds!

Me with my last RA in college and good friend! =)

Me with the happy couple! <3 

Me and my good friend Becky!

Happy 4th of July!

So this hasn't been the holiday weekend I was hoping for.... my back is still hurting- but I go to the doc tomorrow! I can't wait and I'm going to plead for a steroid shot in my back to help ease the pain for awhile. Last time it worked wonders!!!

I have been keeping myself busy this summer. When I'm not babysitting Libby, I'm usually working on something around the house or creating something awesome for the next school year! I'd really like to get myself financially stable here real quick b/c I'm stressing about how I"m going to pay all my bills next month and have enough left for groceries. I got myself in debt thanks to some stupid credit cards and I don't know how I'm going to pay all of off anytime soon. It's stressful. I really have to get myself to stick to my budget b/c this stress is going to be the end of me! So I'm thinking about purchasing some fun clipart this week and start creating some teacher materials to sell on "teacher pay teacher". I just need to figure out what to make first! I am considering getting a part time job this school year to help pay off my CC bills. Something like Crazy 8 or Baby Gap.... so I can work from 5-9 or something.... I hope they can work with my teacher schedule b/c that would be perfect!

I need to come up with a clever blog name. I'm not thrilled with "My Not-so Perfect Life" b/c it sounds a lil Debbie Downerish. And if you know me at all.... I try to not dwell on the bad, but cheer people up.... I'm a dork basically. Man, this post is all over the place. I honestly don't like to "journal" or anything b/c I don't like to write. (I know.... and I'm supposed to teach my Kinders to LOVE writing. I'd say I was pretty successful last year thought. My kids favorite center was writing! I put fun paper, colored pens, etc in there with a bunch of words with pictures that they could write about. This year will be even better! Ahhhh!!!! Look at me.... starting ot talk about work on my non-school related blog. See... this is my problem. All I ever think about is work. I LOVE teaching, and love talking about it. So when it comes to my friends and family.... if I'm not talking about work.... then I'm pretty much bored. What is wrong with me?! I need to find me a man for rizzle. I want to go on trips with someone and have funny stories to tell... but it's hard to do that when you're on your own! Maybe this is what I should write about- what's it's like to live on your own and my adventures (or lack there of lately) in the dating world....

We'll see.... for now let's hope I can get the courage to get back out there again. I've been a little discouraged lately. I've discovered dating sites are NOT for me. I am too weary about men online b/c you never know if they are just putting on a show/lying about themselves and what their intentions are. It's so frustrating.

Guess I'll get off here and spend some time with the fam. Happy 4th ya'll!!!!
<3 J

Here we go...

So I've been keeping up with my teacher blog and have had the urge to create one for my everyday life OUTSIDE of school. =) So here we go....

My summer break has been wonderful! I have spent a lot of time with a few of my new friends and getting to know them has been a blast! I love watching Lil Libby for my friend Lisa b/c she is so funny! She reminds me why I went into teaching b/c kids are so darn funny and innocent. What's not to love?

I apologize if this entry is all over the place tonight. It's 2 a.m. and I'm on muscle relaxers and pain pills b/c I pulled my back out somehow today. I was just sitting on my couch and got up and could barely walk. It is the worst pain I have ever felt. It's like the muscles that control the balance of my whole body is spasming, so I can't walk, stand up,  or even sit down comfortably. I'm literally leaning to my right b/c if I try to straighten my back, I scream in pain. Needless to say, my momma is takin me to the doc tomorrow. She has already gotten up 3 times tonight hearing me scream to check on me. Just another reason why I love her so much! I can lay down fine, but getting up is nearly impossible without tears and screaming. I hate feeling like this and having my parents do things for me. I feel so bad. So I'm praying that tomorrow i'll wake up feeling better and get some anti-inflammatory meds from the doc! Those always seem to do the trick in the past... however like I said, this is the worst pain I've ever had in my back.

Enough about that...
My sister is due to have her baby in 3 months! I can't believe I'm going to be an aunt! I can't wait! I've been spoing her rotten already and baby Senorah isn't even here yet! hehe

Well, the muscle relaxers are kickin in and I'm going to try and get some rest.
Peace out.