What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
This song from GLEE was on my mind today....
I feel like with good intentions, some things I may do or say just get twisted around to make me look bad and it's so frustrating. As cheesy as that song is.... those particular lyrics stood out to me b/c I feel like I'm always doing something wrong.
Whether it be not speaking up for myself or vice versa. I'm just tired of always feeling down about myself.
In other news... when I found out that I have degenerative disc disease, the doc said if I were to lose some weight, that would put less strain on my back and in return, cause less backpain- so of course I'm taking that serious and went to the gym after work today. I just did 25 minutes on the eliptical (2 miles) and feel pretty good. I need to meet with a trainer and get some tips on how to work out, without straining my back anymore. So I'll call them this week to do that.
Also, after literally hitting rock bottom last week {emotionally}, I talked to my mom about my finances. She helped me create a budget for myself so that I can be debt free by the end of next year. (YIPPEE!) So yesterday I went and did some grocery shopping and was so proud of myself for not overspending. My usual self would have said "ohhhh I need that... and that... and that"... but yesterday and kept thinking "will this fit into my budget? can it wait? etc..." It is so hard... especially when I can barely fit into any of my cute clothes anymore and it's so tempting to go out and shop at Old Navy. But NO. I am not giving in anymore- I've seen where that gets me and it made me more miserable than anything. So I just need to keep that mindset!
The weather has been beautiful the past few days... mid 80s, low humidity, nice breeze--- it literally is starting to feel like fall in mid-August! That has definitely been helping my mood though. Fall & Spring are my favorite times of year.... I love the smell it brings, the cool crisp air, and all the changes in nature. It's so refreshing to me and bring back so many great memories from my childhood! I wish I had my family close by to spend more time with this school year... but with my new budget... it's going to be hard now. You better believe I'll be spending plenty of time there when my lil neice-y poo is born! I cannot wait!!!!
Erica is due Sept. 30th.... and her and Dave have decided to name their sweet girl "Sonorah Marie"... I think it's a beautiful name! I can't wait to spoil that baby rotten with love! =)
Well, I'm praying that I can keep up with my self-discipline in finances and my health. I know i can do it, if I just keep up with it. I really miss my close friends from Ohio.... ya'll keep me sane and wish I could see you more.
Well, off to eat a baked potato for dinner... (and maybe some ice cream...)
Lata!
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First can I just tell you how much I adore and LOVE you! I’m so sorry to hear about your back and wish I had magic powers to heal you, but I don’t so I’m going to keep you on my prayer list because God does. Since I’ve officially made myself your accountability partner I’m here for you if you need to talk or vent or cry while running or on the elliptical. I’ve also been placed on a budget (by my sister) and wish I could run to old navy as well but have been retraining my brain to know the difference between wants and needs. It’s really crappy! I wish I could be there with you and hang and go for walks and watch Drop Dead Diva but right now I can’t physically be there. Just know that I often think of you and am with you in spirit. As an Ohio girl I wish I could see you more too. You are one amazing gal and I know you probably don’t feel amazing right now but one day you will look in the mirror and see the gorgeous, genuine, kind hearted woman we all see. I was reading SELF magazine the other day and it had this “a moment for yourself” page I read it and was like WOWZA! That’s greatness and that’s the kind of mentality I need to have right now because my transition isn’t going to happen over night.That's the crappy part, it won't happen overnight, so hang in there Jess. I know you can do it! I love girl!
ReplyDeleteA FREEING IDEA
“What would it feel like to let go of every negative thought about your body? Try it: Worship your legs for taking you on adventures, adore your abs for allowing you to lean into life, love your smile for revealing the joy in your heart. Live as if your body were perfect, not only because you’ll be more open to the world, but because in every way that truly matters, it is”. (self magazine)
*Big hugs from Ohio*
Love and agree with Niki's post :) you are amazing! Things are going to get better and better. Even though times get hard, God never gives us what we cannot handle. hang in there, and know you have lots of support and love coming your way! Can't wait to keep reading your updates. xoxo
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